


Do they come in matching shades?

by Wiccan507



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Erica/Lydia/Allison friendship, Humour, M/M, Mentions of greenberg, Random Internet facts, There's a lot of penis talk in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 16:38:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1655261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiccan507/pseuds/Wiccan507
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The head of a man’s penis is the same colour as his lips - It was something Stiles came across on the internet and he couldn't help but wonder if it was true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do they come in matching shades?

‘The head of a man’s penis is the same colour as his lips’

 _‘The head of a man’s penis is the same colour as his lips’_    

**‘The head of a man’s penis is the same colour as his lips’**

It didn’t matter how many times Stiles read over the sentence it didn’t change. Just stayed the same but it couldn’t be right. Stiles thinks he would have noticed if his lips were the same colour as his dick. Of course that doesn’t stop him from standing in front of his bathroom mirror for 15 minutes deciding it does, then doesn’t, then it does and so on. It wasn’t strange for Stiles to find odd facts online but usually he’d read it and move on but for some reason this one seemed to stick in his mind; which made the next day all that more awkward.

First it was in Econ. Stiles wished he had never seen the fact because Finstock just kept talking and all he could think about was whether his lip colour matched his dick. Oh god is this what it’s like in Greenberg’s head?

 “BILINSKI!”

“Wha?”

“I said what the hell are you staring at?”

“I was just captivated by your voice coach.”

“Bilinski if I needed someone to kiss my ass I’d go get Greenberg!”

“Believe me when I say he’d be okay with that coach.”

“Wanna explain that comment?”

“Not really.”

“Then shut up!” Stiles nodded at him then started scribbling some notes down. Scott kept shooting worried glances towards him but Stiles just waved him off.

            By lunch time Stiles had been called out on staring at 7 guys and that’s not even close to the total of guys he hadn’t been caught staring at. The seventh and probably most obnoxious guy was the most awkward moment of Stiles life.

“So Stiles.”

“Oh hey Greg.”

“So listen I saw you staring at my lips earlier.”

“Yeah sorry about that.”

“No its fine. I’m flattered really.”

“Er…about what?”

“That you obviously want to kiss me.”

“What?!”

“It’s okay. I get it; I am the star of the basketball team.”

“Dude I don’t want to kiss you. I didn’t even know you were gay!”

“Sure you don’t. And don’t label me, I’m straight.”

“Straight is a label. You just labelled yourself as straight.”

“Straight’s a flexible term. I sleep with men and I sleep with women.”

“What? Why not just say your bisexual or something?”

“Because I’m not in to men.”

“But you just said you sleep with them…”

“Yeah. So?”

“You know what never mind. Why did you come over here?”

“Oh yeah I just wanted you to know that I am totally available to make out with.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No. You know just if you want to try it with a real man.”

“I’m good thanks.”

“Okay, well if you change your mind.”

“I won’t.”

“If you change your mind you know where to find me.”

“Bye now.” Stiles turned around and was faced with the very amused faces of the pack. He walked over towards them and stopped just beside Erica.

“How much did you guys hear?”

“All of it.”

“Great.”

“The only thing we don’t know is what it was actually about.”

“I read this stupid fact last night and now I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“And the fact was?”

“That a guy’s lips are the same colour as his…you know…”

“His what?”

“Really Scott?”

“Wait…his…junk?”

“Yeah.” Stiles looked round his friends and he could already see the guys thinking about it and Isaac looked like he was genuinely about to excuse himself to go look. Lydia and Allison kept side eyeing each other and Erica was just outright staring at Boyd’s crotch.

“Really guys?”

“What it’s just is it true?”

“I don’t know. I mean I was trying to figure it out last night but I couldn’t exactly compare it.” Lydia nodded at that then turned to look at Allison before addressing the group.

“Allison and I agree that this needs scientific testing. Erica?”

“I totally agree.” The girls grabbed their respective boyfriends leaving Stiles stood in the hallway with Isaac.

“So…”

“It’s not gonna happen Stiles.”

“What?! I don’t wanna look at your dick!”

“Sure you don’t.”

“Why would you even…what?!” Isaac winked at him then strode of down the hallway leaving Stiles to wonder what the hell just happened…and who he was gonna spend lunch with. “Where did they even go to have sex?”

            By the end of the day Stiles had had three different reports from his friends. Lydia had caught him in chemistry to tell him the Jackson’s dick was actually a little darker than his lips. Allison had passed him a note in English to tell him that Scott’s was the same colour and Erica had leaned over to tell him that Boyd was a little lighter. What Stiles had really learned though was that he would happily have gone his entire life without knowing any of this information. He just hoped that the pack would forget and never mention it again.

            The pack sucked. They were not his friends and they never were his friends. They hated him. That was the only logical explanation he had for what was happening. They were at Derek’s loft as usual to bond or whatever and he’d just sat down when he’d received a text from Erica.

_Erica: Don’t you think Derek’s lips are looking nice today._

He hadn’t really put much thought behind it until he’d gotten two more texts.

_Allison: Derek’s lips look so pink today…don’t you think?_

_Lydia: I wonder if other parts of him would look as pink._

Stiles had looked over to see the three of them sat close together on the couch smirking at him. Well Erica was smirking at him, Lydia looked positively evil and Allison was smiling sweetly but it her eyes screamed I’m as sweet as the devil. Unfortunately that was when Derek decided to talk to him. He and Derek were on better terms but they still had some stilted conversations, mostly because Stiles couldn’t get past the little crush he’d developed. Shut up he was human and Derek was hot.

“Have you tried chap stick?”

“What?”

“It’s just you keep licking your lips, are they dry?”

“My lips?”

“Yes Stiles your lips.”

“There not dry I just like to lick them.”

 “Oh okay.”

“Do you not like to lick yours?”

“Sometimes I do.”

“Cool, makes them look all shiny.”

“Yeah I guess.”

_Erica: You know what else would look shiny if he licked it?_

Did he mention he hates his friends? He swallows and tries not to imagine that visual and looks back up at Derek.

“Everything alright?”

“Yep. Just Erica being funny.”

“Oh. How was school?”

“It was good.” Stiles honestly believed that this couldn’t have been anymore awkward but then of course Isaac decided to finally show up. He closed the door behind him, tossed his bag towards the wall and then searched out Stiles with his eyes. A slow grin crossed his face.

“Stiles. I just wanted to give you the results of your research.”

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

“I have been reliably informed that my dick is in fact the same colour as my lips.”

“Another thing to add to my list of stuff I didn’t want to know.” Unfortunately for Stiles his friends still hated him so Allison decided to pipe up.

“That’s right Stiles, you said you wanted data from all the men in the pack.” See the devil!

“I don’t think I did!”

“I specifically remember you saying it. Lydia?”

“I remember those words. Erica?”

“Yep. In fact if I remember rightly there was only Derek left for you to ask.” Derek…Derek looked adorably confused by everything that was happening around him.

“I don’t think I asked for any details at all actually.”

“Wait what’s going on?”

“Well Derek, Stiles here learned a new fact and so he wanted to do some research.” At some point they had all stood up and the pack was slowly inching towards the door as they continued their explanation. “And he would just love it if you would show him your dick so that he can have a good set of data.”

“5 people is not really a good set of data.”

“You hear that Derek you better wow him with your cock before he goes off looking for other participants.” With that they closed the door behind them and Stiles isn’t really sure when they opened the door. While Stiles is lost staring of at the door Derek starts fidgeting beside him and he’s brought out of it when Derek touches his knee.

“Sorry about that. They were kidding you know. I mean I found the fact last night and I’ve just been wondering about it…not you specifically but like in general and stuff. And it’s not like I’ve actually seen the dicks of the other guys in the pack I just have what the girls told me.”

“So you don’t want to see my dick?”

“Erm…no?”

“Was that a question?”

“Yes?”

“Stiles do you wanna see my dick or not?”

“Wait…are you like actually offering?”

“Only if you want to.”

“I would like to. But only if that’s okay with you.”

“I wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t.”

“Right. Is this like a one-time thing?”

“It’s up to you.”

“Well we could try it once and see what happens?”

“Okay.”

“So where do you wanna do this?”

“Anywhere is fine.”

“How about everywhere?”

“I don’t think that’s a one-time thing.”

“It totally is if we don’t put our clothes back on.”

“Wanna start upstairs and work our way down?”

“Hell yes! Can we do it on the balcony?”

“Pretty sure that’s included in everywhere.” Derek stood and pulled Stiles up with him. As Derek started pulling him towards the stairs Stiles stopped and dragged Derek back towards him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just wanna see if this feels right first.”

“Okay.” Stiles shuffled forward till he was pressed against Derek and he felt Derek’s hands come up to settle against his waist. He brought his own hand up to hold on to Derek’s shoulders and then he moved the last few inches till he lips met Derek’s. There wasn’t fireworks like he’d been led to believe but there was Derek’s hands tightening on his waist, finding out that his lips were actually a little dry and the little moan that he’s not actually sure who just let out. When he pulled back his hands had moved to wrap across Derek’s shoulders and their foreheads were pressed together as Derek pulled him tight against his body.

“Well?”

“Erm…huh?”

“Does it feel right?”

“One thousand billion percent.”

“Thank god.” Derek gave him a small smile and then planted another small kiss to his lips before pulling him upstairs. They had data to collect.

**Author's Note:**

> This is legitimately something I read about a year ago and I still don't actually know if its true, the men I've been with I've been other wise occupied to remember to check! So if you do know or you just wanna talk about anything then check me out on tumblr at onehaleofanightstand.tumblr.com


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